Tuesday, September 6, 2011

First Campaigner Challenge

I posted a little while ago about a blog platform building campaign I was joining.  The first challenge was made on Labor Day.  Here is the challenge:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

I opted to do the full challenge with a 200 word entry (word count determined by Microsoft Word - which counts ellipsis) with the beginning and ending phrase.  This is a little darker than my usual stuff, but I like how it turned out.  Enjoy.


            The door swung open and I smelled Clorox. The television blared the words murder, killer on the loose, suspect escaped, mental hospital as I entered. Susan’s mental illness manifested itself in obsessive cleaning and trying to kill me for unknown reasons. 

Suddenly there were footsteps on the stairs behind me.  I should run, I thought, but didn’t move.  As soon as I gained the courage to turn around, I heard her voice. 

            “Do you remember our wedding vows?” 

            “Susan…Please.” I pleaded. 

            “I asked you a question…I think you owe me an answer.”

            “Yes. I remember our vows.”

            “Will you love, honor…Blah. Blah. Blah. in sickness and in health….be true in good times and in bad” Susan growled. “Do you remember your answer?”

            “I do.” 

            Susan screamed “RIGHT! BUT YOU DIDN’T!” and ran directly at me.    

            I braced myself for impact but only felt a painful pinch, and then heat emanating outward from the injury. Susan backed away and I saw a syringe protruding from my thigh. The effects were immediate and I fell to the floor.  Before I lost consciousness I felt her warm breath on my ear.  

            “Until death do us part. Remember?  Goodbye.” Then the door swung shut.


  1. LOL--there was murder in mine, too. :) Good work!

  2. I guess we were both feeling a little macabre when we were writing that day. Glad you liked it.

  3. Nice! I didn't think she would really do it, but she did. Yikes! I see the mental institute in her future.

  4. What's that saying about a woman scorned? Well, you sure captured one. Mental illness, indeed!

  5. Kerri - The ending came to me first and then I wrote the rest. "Yikes" is what I said as well when I finished writing.

    Tara - "Hell hath no fury" I think is the saying. Men beware. :-)

  6. Oh wow! What a scene. It had me going from the beginning. Too bad the fellow had to die.

    Great work, JD! :)

  7. Ugh! Poor guy. That was his reward for sticking with her and not sticking in hospital.

  8. You pissed her off didn't you? That was really great. Mine is #72

  9. Hey JD - I just wanted to drop a line and let you know/remind you that you won a copy of my short stories book, Vampires Don't Drink Wine. If you're still interested, email me at emhumbooks(at)gmail(dot)com with your address so I can send it your way! Thanks for playing -

    EM Hum

  10. Sounds like she finally snapped. What a way to go.

  11. Short, sweet, and disturbing. That's my kind of story. Good job.