Yoga Hurt

My mind jumbles easily.  I often have multiple thoughts on various tasks colliding in my mind  like multi-colored bumper-cars on an amusement park ride. I search out activities that help me clear my mind and provide it with much needed rest.  One such activity that clears my mind is golf.  I feel incredibly cliche' about becoming a Texas golfer but I'm hooked.  The reason I love golf is because when I set up for a shot I can't think about anything but that shot or my game is doomed. 

Fast forward a year later, and three days before my 35th birthday, to an evening complaining about getting older.  My knees now make all manner of noises when I stand up and my hamstrings are so tight I can barely sit Indian style anymore.  I mentioned off-handedly to my wife that a co-worker has tried to convince me to try Yoga for flexibility and I continually refuse.  She tells me that it is probably a good idea and I scoff - which is my usual reaction to avoid doing something I fear. 

Why do I fear Yoga?  It starts in High School - as most of my neurosis do - when the guys were brought up from the gym for an aerobics class.  Complaining and joking all the way up the stairs with my buddies, we arrived and proceeded to get our a$$e$ kicked.  I had no idea how much strength it took to sit against a wall and my balance resembles a walrus practicing on a beach ball for the circus.  I am not going to repeat that embarrassment for any amount of money. However, thanks to Netflix you can embarrass yourself in the comfort of your own home. 

Netflix streaming has an array of several yoga training videos and so - at 10:00 pm - we settle down for a relaxing evening of yoga.  Ten minutes into the exercise I'm sweating like a pig, parts of me I didn't even know I had hurt, and I discover that my balance - if it can be believed - is worse than in high school.  Twenty minutes in I'm improving, slightly, and a funny thing happens - my mind clears.  I cannot balance on one foot with my ankle resting on my knee and my arms wrapped like Madonna in her Vogue video without complete concentration - who knew?  Forty minutes into the video we are doing the last steps of cooling down and relaxing breathing - which is impossible when you are re-living your defibrillator training from work as you exhibit the symptoms of the victim. 

When everything is over, I can't help thinking about how nice it was to have my mind cleared for a short time. That evening and the next day my thoughts are more organized and I don't feel as jumbled because my brain got a breather (no pun intended - never mind, I totally intended that pun).  Now I'm at the end of the day and my mind is jumbled again and it's too late and dark to golf.  If I buy a unitard someone please shoot me.